Monday, June 7, 2010

Monday, June 7, 2010

"sweet scream"

buttercup belonging to
shea its secret crevice
circle the ring
balm sphincter
captain a multiplicity of beatitude
the impatient sweat
I crest
thumb sipping the brim
slipping the knob
inside the aphotic button hole
yoke pony tail
a flailing arm abstract
twist hold back
lock the position
joyous arches etching
break intricacies
thru reserved reservoir
sweet screams
"sweet ecstasy"


© 2010 Lepadah

Submitted by Arrow on 19 June 2010 - 7:20pm.

Smart, dirty and subversive.
My favorite line is: captain a multiplicity of beatitude (beatitude(s)?) for its link with the Sermon on the Mount and the inversion of the “good”. I also loved the word “aphotic”. To carry the religious symbolism further, maybe it is apophatic, too? I don’t know whether this religious imagery is intentional or my projection but I see it again in “avow”. This brings me to my couple of criticisms:

*”thumb sipping the brim” - I just don’t get this image. I have an image of some Thumbelina-like figure. I was thinking “slipping” but, then, that gives you two “slippings”.

*I wasn’t crazy about the ending although I appreciate the double meaning of awe (and ahhh). I wonder which would be perceived when read aloud. I thought the poem could have successfully ended with “avow,” which is nicely ambiguous.

Much enjoyed.

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